Journal Entry: A New Chapter
I feel like I am rediscovering who I am right now. I am meeting parts of myself that I have not been in touch with for so long. I feel like a child again at times. I’m learning that many painful things have happened to me, things I have buried for a long while… I feel really emotional writing this… because I feel so connected to myself right now, like there is a deep stillness, like time has stopped, like there is nowhere else but right here… I don't know why but I just felt called to start writing this, something told me to… and for the first time in a long time, I am answering the call again.
Something is awakening inside of me, something long forgotten, something ancient. And right now I genuinely feel like I have just come off of a mushroom trip, like you know the feeling when everything is so profoundly clear, your body is as light as a feather in the wind, and your mind is the calmest it's ever been. I feel like that right now and I haven’t even taken anything.
I feel expansive, even though this week has been so heartbreaking for me in many ways; I feel a sense of liberation, because something really dense and heavy has been released and a new energy, a wise energy has come into my being. This feels like a deep remembering.
I feel like I have been carrying a sack of rocks on my back for so long, but today I woke up and something was different, I felt it so viscerally. For so long I have felt bound by the chains of toxic shame. My whole life I have felt this deep unworthiness and badness – like something was really really wrong with me at my core. Like I was broken. Like who I fundamentally was, needed to be fixed or changed. I tear up as I write this, because I can feel the stories, the painful memories resurfacing, to be seen, felt and held by me. I feel my inner child crying out for my love, my presence and I gently whisper to her “I see you baby girl, I know you’re hurting and that’s ok, it’s safe to let it go now. I’m here with you, you don't have to do this all alone anymore. Please forgive me for all of the times I have abandoned you, criticised you and not listened to you when you’ve needed it the most. I hope that we can build trust with each other again, slowly, with patience. There is no rush, we will do everything at your pace. I just want to say how proud I am of you for being you. You are so radiant, beautiful and loving. You are so worthy of love, kindness and respect. You deserve to live out your wildest dreams and desires in this life. I see you, I hear you and I love you always.”
This feels like a new beginning, a fresh start, where I will experience so much love, freedom and abundance in all areas of my life. I can already feel the timeline and it is just extremely beautiful, I cannot even put it into words. I'm open and I’m ready to receive life's greatest blessings. Here’s to this next chapter and here's to the unseen forces that are working in my highest good at all times. Thank you, thank you, thank you.